Why, oh why do we torture ourselves? I am sure that I am not the only one who does.
Last week, I had a somewhat big meeting. I was meeting some important people to talk about a possibility that quite frankly I was quite sure I did not want. It was something I very much did want at one time, but not any more. Anyways, I took the meeting, just to see what it was all about and because of course in the end all that we all really want is to be wanted. They wanted me, even if it was for something I did not want to do.
Getting ready for the meeting I deliberated on what to wear. What kind of impression did I want to make. I wanted to show up as professional, put together, sleek, and to still feel like myself. I changed between 3 outfits I don’t know how many times before I left.
I got to the meeting early, presented myself well, nailed their quizzes and questions and walked out feeling great about myself. But, by the time I hit the ground floor on the elevator I was already doubting it all. “I wish I had worn the other shirt.” “Maybe it would have been better if I had worn pants.” “I really wish I had given them a different example for that last question.”
My head was flying around analyzing it all. I commended myself for much of it, but was also wanting to re-write certain aspects of it. All of this, and I knew that I did not even want the position that the meeting was about! I pulled out of the parking lot a mess. I was laughing at myself, because I had caught myself torturing myself over something that had already happened and for something I did not even want!
I reminded myself quite simply that I had wore the outfit that I had worn. There was no changing that. I had said what I had said. There was no changing that. I gave the answer that I gave. It already happened!
That same evening, I was at home cooking myself a delicious dinner and wanted to have a glass of red wine. I had two different varieties to choose from. One that I have had before and one that was on special that I chose to buy. My first urge was to open the new one, but I found myself considering what if I don’t love it? Maybe I better go with the one that I have tried before, even though it wasn’t my favorite. I was really making this a hard decision for no reason. Why, again, was I torturing myself.
I caught the silliness in it and told myself, why not try the new bottle. If I don’t like it, I don’t like it. It is not the end of the world. I can always open the other bottle if I am completely disappointed, but why not try it. So, silly. And guess what I opened the special bottle and it was freaking perfect. Exactly what I wanted. Why was I making that choice so hard?!
Why do we torture ourselves? Why do we make things so hard?
It is great to be thoughtful. It is great to think things through. It is great to want to learn from the past, even the past of five minutes ago, but let this be a reminder to you to QUIT TORTURING YOURSELF. About what already happened and what may happen. Life goes on. We live. We learn. Quit beating yourself up!
My easy tips for getting out go it:
1- Laughter always. Laugh at yourself.
2- I said what I said. I did what I did. I wore what I wore. Simple to the point. It happened. It is not happening now.
So, whatever it is that you are beating yourself up about, an email you sent, a text, a meeting, or perhaps something that you didn’t do, like missing a workout, eating a whole bag of chips, whatever it is… It is not happening now.
Let. It. Go. Let. It. Flow.
