Am I resting because my body needs it or am I just being lazy?
This is a question that is coming into my mind frequently. I am one week away from the halfway point of pregnancy now and I am still getting sick daily but a couple of weeks back I was starting to get my energy back. I definitely still see an improvement in what it was…but as soon as Zia goes down for a nap or to sleep at night, my bed is where I want to be.
I put her down and go to my office to tackle my lists and barely last 10 minutes before I decide I need to get into bed. So, I bring my computer to bed and return emails, do a few small tasks and then decide I am just so tired that I am worthless and close up the computer, put my lists and planners down and choose to purely rest (and try not to make myself wrong for it).
When I was in the first trimester it was easier to allow myself to rest. To be okay with not getting as much done as I liked, but now it is an internal struggle. I feel like I “should” be past this stage. I “should” have more energy. Or I “should” be able to push through.
The thing I have to remind myself is that it isn’t everyday. Somedays I actually do feel good enough, inspired, alert, motivated to work through her entire nap and/or get more done after she goes to bed at night.
It is just those back to back exhausted days where I feel the battle take over. Am I being lazy? I really don’t think so. I know what lazy feels like and sometimes we need lazy days, too. Can I push through this? I can push myself but will the work I will get done, be any good, or just half-assed, with little heart. If I do push through will it be for my best? Or will it make me even more tired, which will make me less likely to be present and inspired for the rest of the day and days to come.
I know that choosing rest is best and that allowing myself to rest is even more important. The stressing about if I can rest, the feeling guilty for resting, the shame of telling myself I am not doing enough is what is damaging. The actual resting is not damaging.
When I allow myself to rest, I give myself the permission to not think about what I could be doing, which means my mind and my body gets rest…which really is what rest is right? If we are laying down in our cozy beds but our minds are run, run, running, stressing, shaming, blaming, shoulding, THEN WE ARE NOT RESTING.
How do we expect to actually feel rested if our minds aren’t resting along with our bodies?Of course, we can’t hit a big pause on our brains where zero thoughts come in at all, but we can kick out the thoughts that bring us down. We can slow down the thoughts. We can tell ourselves that we are making the best choice right now. We can do some mediation and breathing exercises. We can minimize the busy-ness of our minds and actually allow ourselves to rest fully.
For me I find that when I allow myself to rest, when I say you know what I am spending this nap time in bed and I will get done, what I get done and if I get nothing done that is okay too, I end up being inspired to do more than I thought I would. A release of expectations creates space for me to create.
Today, I was going through this internal battle. I finally gave in and told myself it was okay to not do more, that it was okay to close the computer and put the lists away. I even turned a show on to my iPad to fully commit to not doing anything and to try to quiet my mind from telling me I was lazy. Less than five minutes into the show and the allowing myself to rest, I was suddenly inspired to open my computer and write.
When fifteen minutes earlier I was sitting on this same post page, trying to force myself to write something and couldn’t get anywhere. I had one sentance that I wanted to write about and was just stuck there. The forcing myself to write wasn’t working, but when I told myself that it was okay to not write. That it was okay to not do anything. That it was okay to rest, the inspiration came.
I believe the inspiration will always come, but when you try to force it, you won’t find it. Not just the inspiration to write, inspiration in all forms. If you are looking to make a change in your life, if you are in a place of I don’t know and so badly searching for what is next, pressuring yourself, it may be hard to find. But if you allow yourself to be open, to be okay with the not knowing, instead of stressing about it, you are more available to the inspiration showing up.
Listen to your body. Listen to your heart. Listen to your intuition.
Tune into you and allow space. Space isn’t bad. Not knowing isn’t bad. The shoulds, the shame, the worries, the stress….that’s the bad stuff.
