Why do we isolate ourselves when we aren’t feeling our best as if we failed, as if no one will understand, as if people won’t love us anymore.

When really all humans go through the same emotions. We aren’t wrong for feeling, we aren’t less than for struggling in any way.

For me, when I am feeling down or struggling I don’t seek advice or coaching I simply want to be heard. I know that for me to get around it and get through it I have to vocalize it. I do a lot with journaling and that sometimes is all I need but for the harder to move through times I have to open up and share what I am experiencing and feeling.

This was not always the way for me. It has been an evolution.

I have always considered myself to be strong, confident, independant. People have always come to me for advice and support but I never turned to others. I knew what I wanted and I went after it. It didn’t matter if anyone else believed in or understood me. I believed in me and I wanted to prove to myself and everyone else that I could make things happen.

And I did. But I also felt alone. I felt unloved. I felt like no one really knew me or cared about me because I didn’t open up to anyone. I was existing on “I don’t need you.” I had loads of amazing friends and an amazing family but I had a wall up.

When I went through one of the most challenging times of my life I remember feeling so angry that it felt like no one was really there for me. I had done so much for so many and where were they now? Why was no one calling to check in on me? Why was no one sending me messages of love and support? Why was no one making plans to connect with me and have lunch or do anything for or with me? Why was I the one that still needed to do all the work in the friendships?

And then I saw it so clearly. It wasn’t because they didn’t love me. They weren’t one sided friendships. It was because I had taught everyone in my life that I could take care of myself. That I didn’t need them. That I like to do things on my own. And to be clear they were showing up….just not as I created they “should” be.

So even though I was going through the most challenging time in my life they really didn’t know how much it was affecting me. They didn’t know that I truly needed their support. They didn’t know how to show up for me because over the course of our friendships I hadn’t let them.

Realizing this and working through it has been life changing for me. It is really so simple. People can’t help you, can’t support you if they don’t know that you need it. They WANT to support you, but you aren’t letting them.

By allowing others to support us we create a deeper connection to each other, to ourselves, to humanity. It doesn’t mean you are weak. It doesn’t mean you failed. It is actually the opposite, it means you are willing to be a bigger version of yourself.

And if you are like me and really just desire a safe space to be heard you are allowed to say that. You can say exactly that.

“Hey, I am having a rough time and would love to talk it out with you. I just want a safe space to be heard.”

I found that most people assume you want advice, you want coaching, you want to be lifted up off the ground and given a pep talk. They want you to feel better and that is what they think will do it. But for me that triggered more negative feelings like they wanted to fix me because I wasn’t enough of something. So, I am now able to speak up and share my struggle without any fear of being judged or fixed. And when I do want perspective and advice I will say, what do you think?

And if it feels to hard or to vulnerable to do share with your loved ones, if you really can’t wrap your head around them still loving you and supporting you no matter what you share with them…reach out to anyone. Call 1-800-932-4616 for emotional listening support and 1-800-273-8255 if you experience suicidal thoughts, even if you don’t feel like your problems are worth a call. You are worth being heard no matter how big or small your problems seem in the big picture.

There is no need to isolate yourself. Allow yourself to be supported!

I teach about this and so much more in my 6 week program, BE YOUR OWN JOYOLOGIST.