This weekend I was presented with another example of I won’t know if I don’t try.

I moved in with boyfriend of one and a half years ago a month ago.  I moved into his duplex, in his town.  I rented an office space for myself nearby (which I am loving) and signed a one year lease for the space.   I was a little scared at this big step, but I knew that it was time to move our relationship forward.  I have always, more than anything in the world wanted a family of my own.  What motivated me to live all of my dreams, travel the world, live a good many years with no residence of my own, was my ultimate dream of settling down one day to be a mother.

I am so ready for this stage of my life and I am so in love with my partner.  I am fully committed to myself as my own business, coaching clients and working on a sleekly designed merchandise line.  I am setting myself up to better accommodate being a mother, instead of running off on another tour that would have me putting my own dreams on hold.

So, I moved into his home, I moved into my office in Newport Beach and I have been enjoying it.  LA is still very close, so I have been going up a few times a week to see friends, go to meetings, do my favorite LA things.  My friends in San Diego are also closer to me now.  I have been loving having my office.  I am loving my new community thanks to my office being in the same complex as Ekam yoga studio.

So, it seems like everything is going swimmingly…..except I am not actually sure about my relationship.  I most definitely love him, but a reality has shown up that it may not work out.  We may not work out.  I am not throwing my towel into the rink, just yet.  I realize that this is a big step for us both and that we are both very independent people who love our alone time and are now sharing a very small house.

I see that we need to work on how we communicate.  I am calling myself out on all of the tools that I coach others on.   I am up for doing the work.  But, I have had the thought, “this may not work out” come into my head more then once.  When I let myself really go there I am sad and I am scared.  Shit! I gave up my house, my bed, a lot of my belongings.  I have a one year lease on an office space in Newport Beach.  What will I do if this doesn’t work out?  Where will I go?

I don’t let myself slip too far down that rabbit hole, but I know that those things are very real.  I also know that I needed to move in with him.  If we end up not working out.  If he ends up not being the one I finally settle down with and have babies with, I still needed to move in with him.  I needed to move here.

If I had stayed in my house in LA, and him in his duplex in Newport, I would not have known.  We would not have grown in our relationship.  We wouldn’t have gotten to see what we need to work on in our relationship.

It may not work out and if it doesn’t that is perfect.  Sure, I will be sad.  Sure, I will have to figure out where to move and what to do about my lease.  Sure, my dream of being a mother will get pushed farther away.

But, it will all be for the best.  Remember that time that I gave up all of my belongings and left for what was to be a 6 month trip to India, only to get incredibly sick and realize that I didn’t even really want to be in India, I just wanted to run away?

Sometimes we have to make three left turns, instead of one right, to find our way.  {click to tweet}

Everything works out as it is supposed to.  I trust my journey.  {click to tweet}

I am not giving up on my relationship, but whatever happens, I know that I made the best choice to move in with him.

I learn, by living.

No matter what happens, there is nothing to regret.  It is all a part of our journey.  It is all learning.
 {click to tweet}