Forgiveness is not always an easy thing. In fact, it is rarely an easy thing.
The words, “I forgive you” take courage to say. Take compassion to say. But, can also just simply be words.
As are many things in life, forgiveness is easier said, than done and not for a lack of wanting. We often, want to forgive, but for some reason we just can’t wipe the slate clean. Saying those three words, “I forgive you” is not casting a magic spell, where we forget what was said, what was done.
A few years back, I realized that I had unconsciously created my own little forgiveness practice. I had been hurt by a friend. In my opinion, she had done some things that were unethical. She had done something to hurt someone that I cared about, and she lied to cover it up. I was actually a bit stunned by it all.
I remember asking myself, Who is this person? I did not know if I could ever trust her again. I was having a hard time figuring out what version of the truth, was actually the truth, as I had a heard a few different versions from everyone involved and from those not involved.
What had happened really didn’t need to involve me, but it did involve people that my life revolved around in many ways, so as much as I tried to separate myself from the situation, as much as I tried to believe the best in everyone, I definitely had a polluted view of this friend that I could just not get over.
Being that I am a highly compassionate person, one that always wants to see the best in people, and who truly believes that we are all learning as we live, I wanted to forgive her. Even if she and I never hung out again, even if she didn’t need my forgiveness, I needed to move past it. I wanted to forgive. I wanted to move past it.
Not forgiving, hurts us, more than it hurts them. {click to tweet}
When I found myself wanting to talk about this friend and what had happened, I knew that I had to take it straight to her and get clear. I needed to hear from her, what had happened and why. We had a great, moving, heart to heart but it was still challenging for me to let go of what had happened, and to trust her and her future intentions. In the following weeks, every time I heard her name or ran into her, I would cringe. She was and is a beloved friend to many so even if I wanted to avoid her, it wasn’t possible. I was having a hard time forgiving, especially since forgiving is not forgetting.
One evening, I saw her across the room and again, felt my body tense up. I was so over feeling this way! To move past this discomfort, I simply started to repeat to myself over and over in my head, “I forgive you. I forgive you. I forgive you. I forgive you.” In less than sixty seconds, I felt all discomfort melt away. It really was that easy.
Of course, it wasn’t a one time grand fix all. There were still times that I heard her name, or saw her and those icky feelings came up. Each time, I would remind myself to recite my forgiveness mantra and like magical forgiveness fairy dust, the simple chant would bring a smile to my face and peace to my heart.
Forgiveness is necessary. Even if you plan to never speak to the person again. You must forgive, to heal yourself. Ignoring it will not heal it. Do not let the pain, the hurt fester and rust inside of you. You can forgive. You need to forgive.
This simple forgiveness practice works wonders on forgiving yourself as well. It is unfortunately too easy to hold onto guilt, to blame ourselves, to make ourselves wrong, to judge ourselves.
We must continually forgive ourselves. We must allow ourselves to heal. We must allow ourselves to grow. {click to tweet}
Often times it is even harder to forgive ourselves, then it is to forgive others. This is why I advise bringing in the big guns of pen to paper and mirror work. Again, we just use that simple mantra, “I forgive you. I forgive you. I forgive you.”
Pen to Paper is exactly as it sounds. Take your pen to your paper. It can be a journal, or the back of the receipt, or napkin at a restaurant. Write your magical forgiveness mantra over and over. “I forgive you. I forgive you. I forgive you.”
To make it the most powerful, go directly to a mirror and repeat it over and over to yourself while staring at yourself. “I forgive you. I forgive you. I forgive you.” Warning….this may cause tears. Allow it.
So, there you have it. My tried and true, easy, peasy magical forgiveness practice. I have even pulled this quickie out when someone is simply on my nerves, for whatever reason. It truly works to take the irritation, the pain, the ickiness away.
Give it on a test drive, and let me know how it goes! I am sure there is something you are hanging onto that can be forgiven in this very moment.
And if it’s not working…I am here for you to dig deeper. I want you to heal yourself.
