The only one I am cheating is myself.

I said this to myself the other night in bed at my mom’s house in Cincinnati. It was around midnight and I was wide awake and thinking about the rice chip snacks that she has in her cupboard. A delicious, tasty snack that I don’t usually buy for myself, but my mom always has for me when I come into town. I love those crispy, flavorful chips but they do nothing for me, especially at midnight.

I have not been feeling so great lately. My body has been hurting from the inside out and I really want to delve into this and stop it. I know that what I put into my body really affects me and not just that day, but it lingers. Yes, I eat better than most, but I am now moving back to being even more conscious of what I am taking in.

In creating my own little India sanctuary I indulged myself. If I wanted to get a gluten-free cookie or the Follow Your Heart Soy cheese, than I did. I mean these are still “healthier” snacks than what my neighbors are eating, so it’s all good. But, besides gaining some extra cushioning in the past months (even with lots of physical activity), I gained a ton of physical discomfort. I am so affected by my intake.

So, I am back to really making conscious choices. What is this food/drink going to do for me? I am not calorie or fat counting. I am not starving myself. I am allowing myself to have snacks and wine, but to be conscious about it. Yes, that chocolate chip gluten-free vegan scone looks delicious, but how will my body feel after eating it? If I really want a sweet treat then I will whip up or seek out a raw cacao delight, that at least leaves me feeling good and my body can process it easily.

I know what it feels like to be at my best and I am returning to that. I am grateful for my minor detour of the last few months to remind of why I want to make the choices that I do.

Back to that statement, “The only one I am cheating is myself.” I said this because earlier that day, I had told my mother that eating those snacks was no longer serving me and that I did not want to indulge myself with them. So, here I am at midnight dreaming of going downstairs to munch on those chips and thinking, “I told my mom that I wasn’t going to eat them, what if she hears me, or notices that I have eaten them?” I laughed at my own thoughts, my mom really will not care if I eat the chips, even though I said I was not going to.

THE ONLY ONE I AM CHEATING IS MYSELF.